Since I have created this platform, I made a point to create my content for lingerie aficionados and more particularly women. There was no time when I created this content to please anyone but people that personally needed the information. Let’s be even clearer: this blog was never intended to be a space for men’s gratification.

[Photo credit : Bruno Balmokoun]

As time went on, I did realize that whatever I would do, publishing pretty modeling pictures would attract anyone who could appreciate them and not necessarily people who are there for the lingerie itself. I made peace with it – at the end of the day, I think my pictures have improved to be also interesting for other reasons than the fit of the garments.

I also discovered that men can actually be interested in the information I provide and don’t always act like pervs about it. The dick pictures stopped. Some of them even told me that they had no idea about this part of the women’s world and that it was very eye-opening. I am always happy to open a few pairs of eyes and to be fair some of my men followers do have kind and positive energy.

So, your partner isn’t into lingerie.

So now that I am clear about this point, let’s get into the subject of this article. I have often heard women saying that their partners didn’t care about lingerie enough for them to wear nice one. I have heard of people being actually dismissing of their partner’s efforts or pleasure to wear nice lingerie. To be honest, wearing “nice” lingerie – or whatever most people see as sexy- should probably not be “an effort” if you yourself don’t care for it and feel good in other garments.

I am not a relationship expert -although I have to admit I have dated a lot in my short life. But what I realized is that often, your partner and people, in general, will see your energy before the clothes you are wearing when it comes to the bedroom. Now of course you need to come clean and with decent garments that look clean too. Anything added to that is mostly for you to feel on top of your game and amplify the confidence you already have.

Movies are lying to us about sex and romance.

Lingerie works 90% of its magic on you and maybe 10% on your partner (if any % at all). Spoiler alert: if *you* feel good in your body, it shows.

I remember, a long time ago when I was still a baby lingerie addict who had never worn a suspender belt before but was already proud of her matching sets. I had a crush on that guy that eventually became my boyfriend.

At the time, I liked to buy new lingerie as I entered a new relationship. Not for them but to feel like I was starting fresh. I decided it was time to get my first 3 pieces set. I remember feeling like a badass up until I was in front of him in my lingerie. At that point, I was just freaking out like someone who is about to sing in front of an audience for the first time. I was not extremely confident, but I guess I faked it well enough because I couldn’t let that set wear me. Ahah!

Well, I was disappointed by his reaction. He actually said nothing about it. We just went about our business with our regular enthusiasm. Not that it was not a good amount but it didn’t seem related to the lingerie at all. I only discovered a few months later that he actually found that set pretty cool and that he had a great memory of that evening. Though he didn’t even remember what it looked like. The only thing that was left was how he felt seeing it.

I personally always remember the lingerie I am wearing when something special happens in my life because I pick it with care in the morning like a secret talisman. But I digress. The point is: it doesn’t really matter what you are wearing but how you are wearing it. So it’s probably more interesting to wear whatever you feel good wearing.

After that episode, I have never really tried to impress a partner with my lingerie. I wear what I want and if that person likes it, it’s a plus.

Yet, you might actually want your partner to be as excited as you are about your new lingerie. Well, one essential element for that to happen is a partner that likes to see you happy. I have heard countless times of dismissive partners that purposely ignore what their other half does to look good and even make them feel conscious about it. My only advice if you are in this situation is to run. If you can.

If however, you have a healthy relationship, it seems normal that your personal joy will be somehow transferred to your partner. Who doesn’t like to see the person they’re in love with twirling with joy in a new silk robe or do a little happy dance in a new lingerie set? Nobody. It’s the cutest thing. Even if you talk for hours about how great that new lingerie is, the stars in your eyes are usually worth the annoyance of the constant babbling. At least that’s what I believe.
If your partner completely ignores you, maybe it would be good to find the root of the problem. We all know that some people are bad at expressing their emotions. Though, I am confident there is always a way to communicate a compliment even if it’s just the way they look at you or a nice message on a post-it sheet. But you know your partner better than I do.

Even a partner who isn’t into lingerie is able to say something nice about it if they know it will make you feel good. Nevertheless, you always have the option of sending your cute lingerie selfies to your friends for them to hype you up. That’s what friends are for at the end of the day. And if your love language implies words of affirmation, communicate that to your other half. They should try to love you the way you want to be loved and not the way they decide is appropriate to love you. If that makes sense.
But really, though, if lingerie makes you feel amazing, let it make your heart shine and your confidence grow. Other people’s reaction is secondary to that. It’s easier said than done for many of us. However, since lingerie is so personal and intimate, it’s fair to say that it’s only about you. And if that’s not enough, join the lingerie community and we’ll be happy to cheer for you whenever you buy something new!

That was my two cents but let me know your thoughts about it!

Love always,
xoxo Wen


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5 Replies to “What if your partner isn’t into lingerie ? A lingerie blogger perspective”

  1. Anyone who’s been paying attention must already know how beautifully you communicate your love and appreciation of lingerie,
    and that your blog is not intended as a destination for voyeuristic pervs.
    Your posts are always very informative for those of us who consider making purchases for ourselves.
    I know I am always especially interested in how the lingerie would look and make me feel if I purchased and wore it.
    My favourite out of the eight ranges you modelled above is the lingerie set in the third photo – it looks absolutely gorgeous!
    There certainly is a lot of variation in the ways and degrees to which people appreciate, perceive and feel about various lingerie ranges and lingerie set pieces, whether they are wanting to and are wearing it or whether they wanting to appreciate it being worn by someone else.
    To me, a body adorned in pretty lingerie is much, much more beautiful than nudity,
    and what matters most to me is how much I would enjoy wearing it.
    Best wishes for a lingerie fashiontastic (and perv-free) year 2021
    xx 🙂

  2. I just put a bunch in a bin and tell him to pick one and put it under my pillow- and then we wait a while – anticipation. I don’t even know what I’ll be wearing yet lol

  3. Wait a minute … I thought women wore lingerie for themselves, not for a man? So why does it matter what he thinks? I think lingerie is stupid, and if she wears it for my benefit she obviously wants something from me and doesn’t know me very well at all. Most men resent being manipulated, or being made responsible for a women’s constantly-fluctuating feelings and moods. If it’s important to you that he appreciates lingerie, find another guy.

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