You know, as 2020 is ending, it’s becoming harder and harder for me to be on the internet. It is an echo chamber for literally everything. As a content creator, I found myself to be quite sick of seeing the same negative information repeated by everyone in many different ways this year.
The internet feeds our fears and anger. I realize that it’s a gear that we can only get out of by actively seeking to change our point of view. Of course, sometimes we are so stuck in it that we can’t even realize that we are drowning in negative energy.
[ Photo credit and artistic direction: Anaïck Calif, Editing and styling by me]
[ Helen Valk Varavin Maia crop top and Selene panty, Maude Nibelungen stockings]
I feel the need to be more positive right now for my own sanity. I am a bit of a cynic by nature, to be honest. However, considering the way the world is run right now, there is no need to shoot myself in the foot.
So for the last few days of this very special year, I worked on creating happy content hoping to warm your heart -and mine- with pretty colors and genuine smiles. It felt good to work on these images. Anaïck, the photographer is someone 2020 brought into my life and I am so glad it did. Her joyful energy and resourcefulness are a refreshing blessing. I hope we can work on many more projects together in 2021.
2020 has been surprising.
While my anxiety reached new heights, I also experienced moments of wonderful contentment and happiness. It made me rethink my relationships with people and things. My idea of comfort and achievement as well had to evolve.
Now more than ever, I cherish the idea of self-care but also care in general. Caring for my loved ones, for my old things.
[ Sofia Luzon Ceres suspender top and Mageia brief, Ellesmere garters]
I am fully aware that my occupation participates in consumerism and capitalism, but I never want you to feel that I am just throwing stuff at you in order for you to spend your hard-earned money carelessly. Au contraire, I am trying to make my platform a slow-fashion advocate, if that’s a thing. And while slow fashion implies a lot of privileges for the western world, it is also a way to not abuse those privileges at the expense of someone else.
This year, I bought way less lingerie than any other year. It was partly due to financial insecurity and my desire to be self-employed in the middle of a pandemic, but also because I realized that I have all that is essential already and obviously more.
In fact, it felt like the end of the year sales made less sense than any other year, and yet, our current situation was calling for impulse shopping and stimulating our fear of missing out. I don’t blame anyone. We clearly are trying to keep/make ourselves content with what seems readily available.
[ Evgenia Rebelle bed Jacket ]
This year, I have been drinking a lot of tea and using lots of skincare products. Why? Because hot water calms me down and that face cream reassures me just as much as the touch of satin against my skin. It makes me feel like my life is somehow a little bit together. It gives me a routine I can actually keep. I know it’s ridiculous but it’s just how I do. I am sure we all have these little irrational things that help us cope with reality.
This year I turned 26 and suddenly it felt like childhood was shading away from me. My family didn’t make a special Christmas package for me for the first time in probably 26 years and it felt weird but also ok. Apparently, I am officially an adult. I thought it would hurt more but actually, I think I was ready.
It probably sounds like I was very spoilt but I don’t consider it that way. I feel lucky. It’s clear that I have been a Peter pan for a while now – I secretly hoped it could last forever. Now it seems that next year will bring even more responsibility for me.
[ Bird of Paradise Silver lining kimono robe]
Your focus determines your reality
So I am getting ready. Ready for the opportunities, for the disappointments, the “no”s and the heartwarming “yes”es. My imposter syndrome has been delaying a lot of things in my life and I am getting ready to open myself to what I really want. It feels scary and amazing.
I am not sure if it shows but there is a progression in this Holidays 2020 lingerie editorial. I wanted to illustrate my hope and joy for what the world still has to offer. You know, I really don’t believe it helps to make all these jokes about 2021 being worst than what we just went through. As Master Yoda would say “your focus determines your reality”. Hopefully it makes sense to you too.
[ Kilo Brava tiger slip]
So we can celebrate, we can be proud. We did our best to stay sane and safe as the world seemed to end. People in positions of power have been showing the worst of themselves this year, making us realize that we couldn’t take anything for granted, especially not liberty. The simple fact that we keep going in all that uncertainty is amazing.
Cheers to all the dreamers that put all of themselves into making things work this year, whether they were launching a business, giving birth to a child, or simply kept drinking water and eating their veggies in the midst of this pandemic – it was actually not easy.
I am also grateful for the kindness I saw in our lingerie community, for the people who made me smile and comforted me when I was struggling to simply fill my fridge. Social media is obviously not the place where I want to expose all of my struggles, but I did struggle this year. I am grateful for where it got me, though. I am sure it will only get better.
Wishing you all the best for this new year and please, make sure to protect your mind at all cost.